“My husband wants a divorce but I don’t,” words you never imagined you’d be saying. But you are and you now have to figure out what your next step should be. It’s difficult to form a clear thought given the fact that the most important and influential relationship of your life is coming apart at the seams. You wish you could just get your husband to see the promise that is still left in your marriage, but he’s determined to end things now. Is there any hope for the two of you or are you better off giving in to his demands and allowing him to walk out of the door and your life forever? Only you can determine what is best for you but if this is the man you want to grow old with and you believe there’s even a glimmer of hope for the marriage to survive, it’s time to roll up your sleeves and get to work saving your marriage and recreating the bond between you and your spouse.
You simply can’t sit there with the hope that your husband will miraculously change his mind about wanting a divorce. You must address it. There is no short cut around this. You need to come at it full force and with your heart firmly tucked away, not sitting vulnerably on your sleeve. If you enter into any discussion with your husband about how you don’t want the marriage to end and you do so while you feel incredibly emotional, you’re not going to get the points across to him that you desire. You’ll break down, he’ll feel very uncomfortable and you two will be no closer to a resolution than you were yesterday or the day before that. Choose a time to speak with him when you feel strong enough to handle all the conflicting emotions you’re bound to feel.
Consider a Temporary Separation
The idea of a separation is terrifying to any woman who hopes to keep her marriage together in light of her husband’s desire to divorce. You may think that by agreeing to a separation you are essentially handing him a ticket that will take him straight out of the marriage, towards a new woman or future relationship. The facts are very clear. By suggesting a separation instead of a divorce you will not only be buying yourself precious time to repair the marriage, you’ll also be showing your husband that you are willing to compromise to respect his wishes. It’s important that you go into a separation with a clear understanding of what your expectations are including regular discussions as well as frequent contact with one another.
Consider Joint or Individual Therapy
Many women who have the best intentions when it comes to salvaging their tattered marriage, don’t have the tools required to make it happen. If you’ve never been in this situation before it’s impossibly hard to know what to say and what to do to ensure the marriage doesn’t slip farther into destruction. By seeking out therapy for yourself you’ll be arming yourself with the knowledge you need to deal with this situation in the most effective way possible. If your husband agrees to therapy with you view that as a resource that can help you both learn to address your mutual problems in a way that is respectful and productive.
By handling the idea of divorce with dignity and with grace you’ll be showing your husband that you take the marriage seriously. It’s normal for you to feel fragile emotionally during this time. Journaling what you are feeling or confiding in a close friend can help ease the burdens you are carrying and can give you insight into not only what you are feeling but how to better handle the issues with your spouse.
Many couples come back from the brink of divorce to be more devoted and committed to each other. View this as a transitional period for your marriage and keep your eye on the light at the end of the tunnel that promises a stronger bond between you and your husband.